


Coming out by Tyler Seguin (contributor) | The Players' Tribune

by fallencrest



Category: Hockey RPF
Genre: Coming Out, M/M, POV First Person, The Players' Tribune, You Can Play
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-03
Updated: 2016-11-03
Packaged: 2018-08-28 21:49:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,287
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8464285
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fallencrest/pseuds/fallencrest
Summary: What if Tyler Seguin came out and wrote a Players' Tribune article about it? Set an ambiguous number of years from now when Tyler is still in the NHL but Jamie has retired from professional hockey.





	

**Author's Note:**

> Yes, this fic is written as a Players' Tribune article. (Obviously, I don't really claim to be the mouth piece of future Tyler Seguin. This is fiction. Real events are referred to in a fictionalised form but I do not claim that any of this is true.)

When I started telling people close to me that I wanted to come out, they acted like I had completely lost it. They thought I was nuts. Why would I do that to my career? Wasn't it just going to make things difficult for me? What about Jamie? 

Honestly, Jamie was the one thing that stopped me. I knew he wasn't comfortable with people knowing more about his private life than they had to and since we're pretty much a package deal these days, I didn't want to compromise that. 

The thing is: he would have let me do it. He would have supported me. Even if he knew the only way it wouldn't be a PR nightmare was if I outed him too. I wasn't willing to do that, at least not until he agreed to it.

In the end, we made a deal. I didn't really expect anything to come of it for a long time but I guess life often throws up things you don't expect. 

So, when Jamie retired at the end of last season, he asked me if I still wanted to come out. I said yes. 

If you're reading this, there's a good chance you've already seen the You Can Play video. If not, I've linked it down below. 

If you watch it again, you can probably see that I look a little uncomfortable, that my laughter is a little forced, that there are a few more cuts than you'd expect. That's because the whole set-up was staged. I think everyone was uncomfortable.

When I spoke to You Can Play about coming out, the initial reaction was actually kind of hostile. They know that I'm not a good poster boy. Selling me as what a gay hockey player looks like isn't exactly easy and it probably isn't the message they wanted to send. 

Actually, I first approached them about it back in 2015 and they basically told me they wouldn't do it unless I could get Jamie in on it. I turned them down.

That video shoot took a full afternoon and at least half of it was scripted. I'm just really glad that, in the end, I got to have Jamie there for some of it. I know he doesn't say much in the video and I know it sounds like a lame greeting card thing to say but having him there to hold my hand made literally all the difference.

The common notion is that coming out should be on your own terms – we've all seen gossip columns outing guys and I think it's clear how crushing that is. 

I've done my best to come out on my own terms but I don't think I've managed that yet, so I'm writing this to clear a few things up. 

In 2013 when I got traded to Dallas, I almost got strong-armed into outing myself. Actually, You Can Play were kind of the good guys on this one. I'd offended the hell out of them but they stuck by me pretty good. Even if Patrick Burke made a face like a disapproving uncle when he spoke to me.

Some of you might remember what I'm talking about. There was a tweet on my twitter account which said “Only steers and queers in Texas, and I'm not a cow”. I got dragged into a lot of awkward conversations after that. Not exactly something I was prepared for when I was already going through hell trying to deal with getting traded. I'd offended people and I knew that – gay people, Texans and cows all had good grounds to hate me right then.

I was given pretty much two options by Stars PR – I could disclaim responsibility, step down from social media and spend the rest of my career denying it _or_ I could make my apologies very earnestly and also admit that I was gay. 

I took the blue pill. And I got some back-up from You Can Play – though it was mostly in the form of them saying that they didn't think having a promiscuous, party boy problem child as the face of LGBT hockey was a good idea. Also, like I said, lots of disapproving uncle face from Patrick Burke and him saying he was disappointed in my actions while, at the same time, offering me a lot of support. I guess I really was a fuck-up back then.

It seems ridiculous to say that Dallas redeemed me or that Jamie did but I'm pretty sure the sports media has convinced most people that that's true already.

In 2013, I was crushed to leave Boston but it ended up being the best thing imaginable for my career and my personal life. 

The Dallas Stars' management forced Jamie Benn to be my welcoming committee. They made us live in close proximity, and I know for a fact that Jamie expected to hate it. It's the sort of thing he'll agree to do because he's a great guy and won't complain about to anyone except Jordie (who is his brother and the keeper of all our secrets) but really I wasn't a responsibility anyone wanted to take on. The Stars were genuinely worried they'd lost that trade – they got rid of a sterling locker room guy and a bunch of prospects and received one difficult, underperforming basket-case in return. I think it's fair to say that everyone in that locker room hated me for that, at least when the trade was first announced. (And no, I haven't forgotten that we got Pevs, too, but no-one was complaining about that.)

It even took Jamie a while to warm up to me. I think it takes Jamie a while to warm up to almost anyone though. He's a reserved guy and he'll treat you with respect regardless of whether you deserve it but he won't really open up to you until you've earned it. I'm not a reserved guy and I trust too easily and it could have gone really, really wrong. 

Fortunately for me, it didn't.

Fortunately for me, we got to play years of incredible hockey together and somewhere along the way we fell in love. 

I'm not going to tell you how or why but we did. I don't think I could really explain it if I tried but I'm not going to try. 

I'm not going to try because when we discussed me coming out, Jamie and I had a conversation about what I could and couldn't say. Without guidelines I'd basically say anything. Hell, if you asked, I'd probably tell you our favourite things to do in the bedroom and only afterwards would I realise that I'd just doomed us both to answering questions about that for the rest of our lives. So, we agreed that talking about sex was out, unfortunately. We also decided that we didn't want to spill every detail of how we ended up together. The important thing is that we did and I am massively grateful for it.

I am also grateful to have the opportunity now to tell people who I am and to stand up for that. I know I'm not perfect but no-one should ever feel like they need to be perfect. Just be yourself. 

For me, well, I'm Tyler Seguin, NHL All-Star, Stanley Cup champion, first round pick, and I'm in love with NHL All-Star, Stanley Cup champion, Olympic Gold medallist, Art Ross trophy winner, Jamie Benn.

Also, the best relationship advice I can possibly give you (other than compromise because, yeah, that's pretty important): in my experience, it really helps a relationship if you can help your boyfriend win a Stanley Cup. Try it sometime. It's awesome.

 

Tyler Seguin (contributor)


End file.
